WHY MENTORING?

Why get involved?

Trust in the LORD, and do good.
Psalm 37:3

America is facing an epidemic of fatherlessness. The absence of positive, adult-male role models within our communities is creating a culture of listlessness within the next generation. While not every young man in our program is without a father, the majority do not have a father playing an active role in their lives. Consequently, they are left to make determinations about manhood on their own; often, with dire consequences. Consider the following statistics cited in John Sower’s seminal text, Fatherless Generation.

Fatherlessness Accounts for:

• 71% of pregnant teenagers
• 90% of all homeless and runaway youth
• 70% of juveniles in state–operated institutions
• 85% of all youth who exhibit behavioral problems
• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger
• 71% of all high school drop-outs
• 75% of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers
• 85% of all youths in prison[1]

The information above is staggering and sobering. However, the facts and figures can never convey the trauma experienced in a young person’s life when he grows-up without his father. We must be willing to step into a young person’s world in order to make a positive and lasting difference. That’s why we need you to be involved. After all, caring for the fatherless is the Lord’s heart: “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling…God sets the lonely in families.  (Psalm 68:5-6)

Why mentoring?

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13

It is clear that there is a challenge that needs to be addressed. What might not be so clear, however, is the compelling and proven solution to the problem of fatherlessness…mentoring. One-on-one mentoring is an age-long phenomenon, which has proven to be an effective way to help others navigate through potential pitfalls in life.

This is especially true of our young people. As Sower’s states, “Statistics have shown that one-to-one mentoring is the most effective way to reach a fatherless child. Children with mentors are 46% less likely to do drugs, 33% less likely to resort to violence, 53% less likely to drop out of school, and 59% more likely to improve their grades. One-to-one mentoring has also been shown to lower the rates of teen pregnancy, suicide, and gang involvement in communities.”[1] The evidence shows that mentoring is truly a value-added relationship within the lives of our young men.

Why is mentoring effective?

The things you have heard me say... entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. 2 Tim. 2:2

Like all relationships, there are some key elements that must be present in a mentoring relationship in order for it to be effective. We like to highlight three attributes when discussing effective mentoring: 1) Loving, 2) Modeling and 3) Coaching. There is any number of qualities that a good mentor must possess (e.g., good listener, non-judgmental, good sense of humor, etc.), however, loving, modeling and coaching capture the nature of the mentor’s responsibility to his mentee.

1. Loving: In an often self-centered world, it is likely that a young person has never truly experienced selfless love in action. While it takes time to establish a trusting and loving relationship, the mentor can best demonstrate selfless love early in the relationship by consistently being present in the young man’s life.

Presence. Involvement. Consistency. These are the primary ways a mentor communicates love to a child. The first thing a mentor must be willing to commit to is showing up. Without consistent involvement, it is impossible for a relationship to develop patterns of trust and familiarity. And without consistency, the mentor just becomes one more person in the ever-revolving door of relationships. After consistently showing up, week after week, month after month, trust is born. Somewhere along the way, lines begin to blur, and a more organic relationship happens. Time spent together becomes less of a list of items to check off and more of a source of joy.[1]

2. Modeling: While a mentor doesn’t need to be the best looking guy on the block, he does need to know how to model. A mentor must model godly character and biblical values to his mentee. More often than not, a young person learns by watching the actions of another and mimicking that behavior. As Sower’s points out, “Communication experts tells us that we actually retain about 5% of what we hear and 30% of what we see, but we remember nearly 75% of what we see and do.” The mentor has the privilege and responsibility of modeling godly behavior and engaging his mentee in that behavior as well.

A godly mentor needs to have a vertical relationship with God. A mentor doesn’t need to have it all together, but he should be growing in his faith as he follows the one both he and the mentee are trying to emulate…We must be willing to be mentored by God if we wish to model our life after his and imitate his example.[2]

 3. Coaching: After establishing a loving relationship and modeling godly character, the mentor has then earned the right to be heard by his mentee. The foundation of a quality relationship must be built before truly effective coaching can take place.

A good coach teaches a child how to appropriately relate to other people, especially his elders. At the same time, they must also be sensitive to the shame and rejection that a fatherless boy may carry with him. Fatherless boys may be emotionally fragile. Or they may be distrusting of masculine authority. If a coach corrects a boy too strongly, it may do more harm than good. Corrections may need to be sandwiched between compliments and carried out with sensitivity to the unique history of each child.[3]

4. Community: Our desire at Pathways is to create a positive environment in which our young men can learn to “trust in the Lord and do good.” We recognize that this is possible only in a context of godly community.

We learn much about who we are through our experience of community with others. We learn from their stories, their experiences, and the lessons God is teaching them. We learn to love people and receive love from people in the context of community. There is something sacred about walking into a roomful of people who know you, love you and accept you unconditionally.[4]  This is exactly what we are endeavoring to accomplish at Pathways.

[1] Sowers, John. Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing, 2010), 36.

[1] Sowers, John. Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing, 2010), 97.

[1] Sowers, John. Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing, 2010), 104.

[2] Sowers, John. Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing, 2010), 107.

[3] Sowers, John. Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing, 2010), 110.

[4] Sowers, John. Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing, 2010), 125.